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The Oil Rig

Act II

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It is sandstorm season in Saudi Arabia. The Saudis grew up hardened by these desert storms, quickly learning how unforgiving the desert can be. These storms can look like towering walls of death, looming over villages, sparing no one, covering everything.

Getting stuck in one of these can get you absolutely rekt.


The average temperature is 130 °F (55 °C) in the summer months. If you don’t know how hot that is, turn the thermostat in your house up to 130 degrees and sit there.


The heat is nothing to the Saudis, simply a small price to pay for an infinince of blessings. No price, however, can pay for the lessons taught by the sand.


In the gale force winds of the Arabian desert, the sands are always shifting. Sometimes the changing sand can mislead desert travelers to their doom, other times it can reveal treasures, like gigantic oil rigs that were already set up, ready to go.


Ever since 1938, when the first perfectly set up oil rig was discovered after a violent sandstorm, the Saudis started max bidding on a whole new level. Naturally, every Saudi has a claim to an oil rig, and Saudi Arabians are biologically compelled to drill for oil. The claim to the oil runs so deep, that the dinosaurs that died to provide the fossil fuels below the Arabian desert had actually written the Saudis in their will. Case closed.


Every Saudi has made an intensive journey to claim these rigs. On this quest, we’ve experienced sandstorm tempests, raging bears, disgusting goblins, people who dump on their followers, and hot Arabian nights. This pilgrimage has tested the Saudis to their core, and ultimately taught us how to Max Bid with infinite resources. The Saudis who’ve made it this far are all now closer to the day where we scrape Lamborghinis out the lot, and of course, it’ll be the ones with no back wheels so sparks fly as we peel out.

So here we are… such a monumental day. The Saudis have received their rigs, and any second now, the oil starts pumping.  Exactly a barrel every hour.  Soon enough, near the end of our journey, we will take our oil money and spend it on unimaginable pleasures.


Thank Allah! For this may be the sweetest pump you’ve ever tasted.

To be continued in Act III...

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